Jan 21, 2013 (Pregnancy bleeding at 6 weeks)
Today is the day when I and your father were officially declared “Husband” and “Wife”. It’s our second wedding anniversary. But there is no celebration today. I know you can feel all my emotions from within. I cried all day today. Your father was more helpless as he couldn’t cry in front of me. His gloomy eyes reflected his broken heart.
I was hospitalized last Friday due to light spotting. Every women dreads of any amount of pregnancy bleeding and I was no different. We came for the first scan to check on your heart beat very early last week. Doctor had assured that it was too early and had advised us to come back after 15-20 days. This is the mistake many thrilled first time parents do. I advise all expecting parents to be patient enough and go for the first check-up only after 8-9 weeks. One week of sublime joy ended abruptly with this bizarre incident. I had no idea why it happened. I had taken all precautions about what to eat and what not to, sitting and sleeping postures and even personal hygiene. I decided to not share it with anyone for a while. But the worst thing I did was to search about it on internet ‘pregnancy bleeding’ and that was it for me. I found hundreds of results about early miscarriage.
Dear baby, I am a very rational personal in normal state of mind. But this was something very scary for me. The good thing was that I was at your maternal grandparents’ place. I reported everything to your grandmother and we decided to go to the doctor. Doctor told me that the bleeding was from the placenta and I should waste no time and get hospitalized. Your father was dumbstruck like I was with this disturbing news and came to the hospital as soon as possible.
After 4 days of treatment and tests, I was discharged today. Beta HCG results were not so promising and there was no heartbeat. Finally, doctor had asked us to be prepared for the worst. In fact, he had very indifferently asked us to even consider taking the pill and ending the pregnancy. It is not surprising for doctors to be insensitive about such cases. I do get the fact that they handle several of such cases on daily basis but what shocked me the most was the recklessness with which he had handled our case. He had not considered the fact that I was only 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant which is again very early for a heartbeat to show. The baby’s sac was even growing appropriately. And, only 2 beta HCG tests were done which showed decreasing HCG levels but were sure enough within the normal range.
With broken heart, I left the hospital. Your dad and I spent hours holding each other’s hands and gathering courage for whatever was to come next. Your father repeatedly assured me that everything is going to be fine and we will get through this together. We decided to wait for a week or two and let nature take its course. Most difficult part for us was to share this shattering news with your paternal grandparents. We had just informed them a week back about the good news and then a week later this one. Both your grandmothers were very supportive throughout all this. They were very sure that God will never do any injustice with us.
My child, hard times will come and go in life. You will have to learn how to deceive sadness and move ahead in life and of course we will be always there to support you.
Lots of love,
Mummy and Daddy